Love, failed, Moving On

Wow how fast things went by, I was caught unguard and I never saw it coming! 
I was shocked, I was astonished, I don't know what to say but the tears from my eyes says it all. I thought that we are on the same page, that we have this "constant thing" but it seems it was only I who knew it. All of these months with all those words coming from you that makes me feel safe and makes me smile are all just shows, programmed by your mind that I watched, unfortunately deceived me.


However, as I felt your distance right then and there I knew that there is something wrong. Its either my mind COULDN'T comprehend it or just DOESN'T want to comprehend it because I thought that it will not gonna happen. But I was wrong until one day, actually just one week after you said that you couldn't commit to a relationship because you are so busy... you slapped me with the reality that you already have someone, you could have just told me rather than letting me see it with my two eyes and making me believe differently.. DID YOU KNOW HOW MUCH PAIN IT HAD COST ME... SOOO MUCH! that I cried my self to sleep, that I couldn't eat, that I couldn't focus...arrrrggg! I HATE YOU!


Well, I got so complacent that I forgot you could change, now that you're with someone else I have these "what ifs" lingering in my mind... "what if on the day that you've asked and I said yes, even it was only a month would it be us today?" "what if I insist that can it be us, would there be a chance?" And now those are just questions that will just be buried and forgotten. 

Why this phase of my life seems keeps on repeating, will there be any happy ending for me? I am not asking for someone rich nor someone with so much pretty face.. all I am just wanting is for someone to love me and care me. Someone who can stand by me, but why oh why you are all leaving me and finding someone else?

Sadly, I assumed and expected too much unfortunately that's were I went wrong... how sad it is. Hence, as my bezzie said in which I agree, her learnings for the past years *tested and proven* and I quote...

          the more you get close to a person... the more you get affected..
          the more you expect.. the more you get hurt..
          the more you speak..the more you get rejected..

So therefore never assume and never expect until there is clarity.


Right now I'm in the healing process, forgiving and trying to forget. Learning from this failed event and carrying the lesson, the love and happiness. Good thing we have talked somehow I've released the burn inside of me.  And as my friends told me the only way to heal... is to ACCEPT IT AND MOVE ON!!! Well that's where exactly I am right now... and will just be FRIENDZONE with him.... forever. But I bet you couldn't let me go and leave your life coz you will and you will be needing me.... ha ha ha ha


Again do not ASSUME AND EXPECT until there's clarity, control the emotion, at but continue to LOVE.


As of this writing the author is atleast smiling back again.. Thanks to all the friends who's been with her in this journey, who listened, who accepted her craziness and helped her to move on. LOVE YOU bezzie Quel, Len, Kure, Adah & Eve. 




itsmeJackie c",) 

Ang buhay bundukera

Ito ay isang pang istorya ng aking buhay mamumundok na nais kong ibahagi sa inyo...



Sa halos 5 taon ng aking pag-akyat
sa bawat hakbang na aking ginagawa
sa pagtapak sa lupa sa bundok na tinahak
may iba't ibang kwentong nabubuo ng kusa.

Maging hapo man, hiningay hinahabol,
balat man nagsusumigaw na ng "maitim na ako"
pero tila ang puso't  katawan ko nilamon na ng bundok
kaya't maya't maya ay bumabalik ako.

Sa dami na ng bundok na napanhik
tila bawat tuktok ay lagi pa ring sabik
kalooban ay parating puno ng galak
anyo ng kapaligiran dinadamang wagas.

Sa iba ang kabundukan ang nagiging kanlungan
kung saan itinatahan ang pagod na isipan
ang sa iba ito ay kanilang panata
subalit sana ay may kabuluhang dala. 

Iba't ibang tao ang nakakasalamuha mo
di mo kilala pero nagiging kaibigan mo
kay sarap lang malaman na magkatulad kayo
sa adhikain at hilig ng puso.

Sana lang sa bawat pag-ahon bitbit ay disiplina
hanggang sa pagbaba ito ay di mawala
at nang ang mahal na kabundukan ay mapangalagaan
para sa susunod na sa aming mga yapak.

Sa halos 5 taon ng aking pag-akyat
sa bawat hakbang na aking ginagawa
bukod sa alaala, aral ang nakukuha
mula sa kabundukan at mga nakakasama.

**Sa taong ito lumagpas na ako sa kota, pero tila di pa rin ako magsasawa
sa katunayan ang katawan naghahanap na nang mag-aanyaya o makakasama
kung baga di na kumpleto ang buwan ng walang pag-akyat. 
Sa oras ng sulating ito ay may planong umakyat ng Batulao sa Sept 21-22, sana matuloy
tas sa Maranat sa Sept 28-29 o mag San Jose circuit sa Tarlac.





itsmejackie c",)

Blog's 2nd year....

September 7, 2011 when I started out this blog since by that time I'm seeing friends having their blogs and  I also missed writing so I told to myself ....hhmmmm I want my own blog as well. My own place were I can write to, express my thoughts and feelings and just to say about anything. And now September 7, 2013 3 days after n) it is already its 2 years ha ha ha I still have this site up and writing (not running)  eheheh. Even though I don't visit that much this blog but I do make sure that I keep this posted as much as I can, I do keep visitors something to read on. 

HAPPY 2nd YEAR TO THIS BLOG....MORE ENTRIES TO COME so that means more experiences, more feelings to pour, more good things to share, more happy moments, more loneliness to fight against and more to writing. 

THANK YOU LORD FOR ALL THE WORDS that fill up this blog. Hoping for happy and good more entries.

"We live not only in a world of thoughts, but also in a world of things. Words without experience are meaningless." 

                                                                                 Vladimir Nabokov

To all read, comprehend, write and just live. 

Happy Writing.. Happy Reading

itsmeJackie c",)

the Leo girl @30

Last August 14, I celebrated my 30 years of existence, 30 years of gifted life, 30 years of ME.

As another year had passed and a new chapter begun it is something I have to face. I had this moment of having flash back of my life on how it was and how I made it through. I could say it is a colorful-wonderful 30 years, I had my downs, lows, flaws, error, mistakes but at the end of the day I've learned and that made me who I am....Yes it is cliche but that's the line that says it. I may not be perfect but I know I have done my best to the best of my knowledge besides no one is perfect... right? Lessons learned and fights that been won.

Being 30 an eye opener for me, my sister teases me "ate 30 ka na di ba" repeatedly but then I answer her back YES I AM and so you will be... still I'm happy and proud. There are a lot of things to think, to consider and actually I wonder what's next for me. I've done a lot of things, experienced all the good and bad. Despite of all sads and lows, still happiness and triumph reigns.
 
So many plans, so many wishes but as of the moment i am happy and contented. I could do the things I wanna do which is traveling and climbing. And at the same time somehow I was able to share with people of the same interest, also thankfully I became a part of a great team TAGALOG OUT-DOORS TRIBE who does not only climb but help and reached out as well to our less brothers and sister, and continuously to do more. Further more I have a wonderful family, loving friends, stable job arrrgg what else could I ask for, ahhhh probably just good health, safety and happiness for me, my loved ones and family. And oh I more wish a LOVELIFE.. ahhh Lord please.. eheheh

Well, there are so many things to say, to tell, to share but at this moment all I wanna do is to say thank you to all the people who went with me through thick and thin of my endeavour, of course to my beloved family parents, siblings (extended family), dear friends Mandy, Jp, Chris, mader Irna and bez Raquel... we may not be always together but I know you all will always be there forever, again THANK YOU. And oh not to forget addition to the list are my outdoor friends, my team... TAGOT, other teams i'm part off and to all my climbing buddies! Thank you.

Thank you to all, thank you for everything, thank you that you've become part of ME.

For whatever the reason/s of this writing just remember IT WAS CREATED BECAUSE YOU ARE PART OF THIS.
 
Lord God, you are my redeemer, I lift up everything to you and all that my heart whispers. Amen!

the Leo girl on another year, happy & proud




itsmeJackie  c",)

Buntot Palos, Pangil Laguna

Ang minsanang pag-iba ng ruta ay di rin masama
bagkus ito ay isang paraan upang makakita ng ibang daan,
ang makita ang kagandahang nagtatago at ikinukubli mula sa malayang mundo.
Iniba ko ang daan mula sa lagi kong tinatahak
ang aking mga paa sa ibang lupa muna itinapak.
Ngunit naiba man ang daan iisa pa rin ang dahilan, iisa ang kinabagsakan
sa isang lugar kung saan ang isip buong sayang itinahan,
mula sa maingay at magulong kabihasnan.

Ang malakas ng pagbagsak ng tubig ng talon sa ami'y nagpatahimik, 
nagpakalma sa kaloobang tila nangangalit sa mga isipin at suliranin.
Ang hapong katawa'y sa malamig na tubig hinayaang balutin, 
niyakap ang masarap at nakakapanatag nitong hatid.

Kasama ang kaibigang naghahanap ng laya mula sa mabigat na bitbitin,
gayun pa man buong lakas at saya naming inakyat ang Buntot Palos 
Naging makulimlim man ang aming pag-ahon may kasama pang malamig na pag-ambon 
naging masaya pa rin ang aming paglusong. 

Ang mga sandaling ito ay sya ko na ring personal na paunang pag-selebra ng buhay,
pasasalamat sa mga biyayang bigay ng buhay.
Nagbigay pugay sa Poong Maykapal kasama ang mahal ng inang kalikasan at 
kaibigang buong tapang na lumalaban.
Salamat sa pagsama kaibigang Jp, paniguradong madami at mahaba pa ang ating tatahakin,
hanngat ang paa'y humahakbang, hanggat may lupang tatapakan sabihan mo lang ako 
at mag-iimpake na ako.

Oh san ang susunod nating gawi?


Maraming salamat sa panibagong taon. Im the "Leogirl @ 30"

On our way to Buntot Palos, papunta pa lang ng brgy muntik ng mawala, hai JP!!!

Simula ng sementadong matarik na daan

its a two thumbs up

different species can be found up there

 a little fun and fruit trip muna, eheh

Such a lovely and lively trees

And this is the Buntot Palos Falls, weeeeeewwww ganda!!!

this is boomboom, ang laging kasama ni Jp

the water is so freaking cold!!!!!! grrrrrrrrr

super enjoy and relaxing.. despite na 2 lang kami...

Salamat po Panginoon sa iyong pagmamahal at mga biyayang kay ganda!



itsmeJackie c",)

Ang aking personal Book Review

Narito ang aking personal na punto sa huling 2 libro aking nabasa

Bakit baliktad magbasa ng libro ang mga Pilipino ni Bob Ong isang libro na gawa pa noong 2001 subalit ngayon ko lang naibigang basahin marahil na taon na lang din na basahin ko ito ngayon sa kasalukuyang estado ng bansa. Napakaraming punto ng buhay ng mga Filipino at ng bansang Pilipinas ang nabanggit dito merong nakakatuwa, nakakabalik tanaw, nakakangiti, nakakainis, nakakaiyak at halos lahat na ata ng emosyon, hindi naman sa pagiging eksaherada.

sa aking palagay sa lahat ng libro ni Bob Ong na aking nabasa ito ang may pinakamakabuluhan, sa una parang isang ordinaryong babasahin lamang subalit sa bawat pagpihit ng pahina ay palalim palalim ang nagiging paksa at sapol na sapol nito ang kaloob looban ng ating mahal na Pilipinas mula sa kagandahan hanggang sa kapangitan nito, mula sa nakakamangha anyo hanggang sa nakakasulasok nitong diskripsyon mula sa pananaw ng mga kapwa Pilipino at maging mga dayuhan.

Ito ang isa sa mga paborito kong parte (makikita sa bandang dulo na ng libro)
Tanong: Magbigay ka ng 12 na dahilan kung bakit magandang manirahan sa Pilipinas , kung bakit dapat tayong manatili rito?
Maraming mga sagot ang ibinahagi, maraming dahilang nabanggit.. subalit sa isang simpleng sagot dito tinapos ang tanong... Pilipino ako, sapat nang dahilan 'yon para mahalin ko ang Pilipinas.

Sa pagtatapos kong basahin ang librong ito, tila nilibot ako nito sa nakaraan at ibinalik sa ngayon na mas may malawak na kaalaman at malalim na kaisipan para sa aking kapwa, aking kapaligiran, higit sa lahat pagmamalasakit at pagmamahal sa ating bayan. Ngunit higit sa pagbabasa ng librong ito ang tanong.. ano ang magagawa ko, ang magagawa mo, ang magagawa natin?

INFERNO by Dan Brown ...after reading this book I had a serious thought about over population which is somehow is really scary in many ways (whether in reality or fiction), it can threaten the humankind relationship and how we live, hope we could find ways to balance things out. And also the way how Brown described Manila in this book is sad but its the truth, hence, rather than being insulted we should just use this as a challenge and change how they see Manila. I can't wait to see this in movie I want to see if what I've read & imagined will be the same in movie screen. 

Sa pagbabasa ako ay nalilibang ang aking katauhan ay tila dinadala ng kwento kung saan, ang imahinasyon ay gumagana sumasabay sa galaw ng bawat tauhan. Naway ang pagbabasa ay inyo ring makahiligan at nang inyong kaisipan ay mapuna ng kaalaman.

Gubat ni William Pomeroy at Walang di Makaraos ni Eros Atalia... sunod sa linya

Maligayang pagbabasa.



itsmejackie c",)

WORLD VISION RUN 2013

Last June 23, 2013 Sunday, normally by his time I am at the top of the mountain with co-hikers and friends but during that week I was out of the mountain trail and I'm on the race track/RUN. For the second time I was able to join the WORLD VISION RUN 2013 in the benefits of WV's sponsored children. This was my 2nd WV run, its a run for cause.. to sponsor and give chance to our indigent students to be able to go to school and to make sure that they'll be able to finish it.  It was my first time to run a 10k, I was only running 3k before then I jumped to 10K drastically....it was tiring but for sure fulling thankfully I finished the race/run strong. 

I started the race bad because when I arrived it was already gun start so I was in hurry to deposit my bag at the baggage counter for me to be able to meet up with other 10k runners. Due to the event I was not able to do warm and I sprint so fast to catch up with the rest of the group, so even before I ran the 1st K my feet is already freaking tired I thought I'll going to writhe, fortunately not I was able to make it. Thankfully with great determination and  perseverance I was able to catch up with other 10k runners and passed some of them... And I've made it to the finish line with the time race of.... 1:27:25... eheheh 

With the Mission of Helping more Filipino Children, more importantly that even though we the runners ran are tired but at the end of the finish line we knew that we were able to help. Hence, if running will let me help others even in small way then let's run more not only with WORLD VISION but probably with other RUN FOR A CAUSE as well. 

Running alone have good and bad sides (which I did by the way), bad in a way that you don't have friends to join you in your journey, or to laugh with you while on the trail or to be your buddy/watch out in case of accident (but good thing there are ambulance). The good side thought is that running alone is you have the control of your phase, you don't have to worry of leaving someone behind, you are focus  and .. and ... and.. well I just that's it... eheheheh. 

Right now I'm getting addictive to this activity and since I had met my goal to run 10k, I might run 21k next time but before that I have to prepare for it, I don't want to tumble down or sprain my ankle coz I'm not prepared and more importantly I wanna make sure that I'll going to finish what I've started.  

Running is so much fun specially if you know the reason you are running and its for a good cause... However at the end of the race I say PAHINGE NG SALON PAAAAAAASS!!!!! Eh este til the next run care to join... eheheh c",) — at World Vision Run 2013, BGC 9th Ave 26th St.

Singlet and runner # 2732

Early to rise to prepare

This is where it all began

Finish Line

with coach Rio of runrio

 
        Picture 
        picture 
         after
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                       >>>>>

Program after, sadly I didn't won any raffle prizes

CONGRATULATIONS WORLD VISION and to all its organizers. More Power til the next RUN.


itsmejackie