Love, failed, Moving On

Wow how fast things went by, I was caught unguard and I never saw it coming! 
I was shocked, I was astonished, I don't know what to say but the tears from my eyes says it all. I thought that we are on the same page, that we have this "constant thing" but it seems it was only I who knew it. All of these months with all those words coming from you that makes me feel safe and makes me smile are all just shows, programmed by your mind that I watched, unfortunately deceived me.


However, as I felt your distance right then and there I knew that there is something wrong. Its either my mind COULDN'T comprehend it or just DOESN'T want to comprehend it because I thought that it will not gonna happen. But I was wrong until one day, actually just one week after you said that you couldn't commit to a relationship because you are so busy... you slapped me with the reality that you already have someone, you could have just told me rather than letting me see it with my two eyes and making me believe differently.. DID YOU KNOW HOW MUCH PAIN IT HAD COST ME... SOOO MUCH! that I cried my self to sleep, that I couldn't eat, that I couldn't focus...arrrrggg! I HATE YOU!


Well, I got so complacent that I forgot you could change, now that you're with someone else I have these "what ifs" lingering in my mind... "what if on the day that you've asked and I said yes, even it was only a month would it be us today?" "what if I insist that can it be us, would there be a chance?" And now those are just questions that will just be buried and forgotten. 

Why this phase of my life seems keeps on repeating, will there be any happy ending for me? I am not asking for someone rich nor someone with so much pretty face.. all I am just wanting is for someone to love me and care me. Someone who can stand by me, but why oh why you are all leaving me and finding someone else?

Sadly, I assumed and expected too much unfortunately that's were I went wrong... how sad it is. Hence, as my bezzie said in which I agree, her learnings for the past years *tested and proven* and I quote...

          the more you get close to a person... the more you get affected..
          the more you expect.. the more you get hurt..
          the more you speak..the more you get rejected..

So therefore never assume and never expect until there is clarity.


Right now I'm in the healing process, forgiving and trying to forget. Learning from this failed event and carrying the lesson, the love and happiness. Good thing we have talked somehow I've released the burn inside of me.  And as my friends told me the only way to heal... is to ACCEPT IT AND MOVE ON!!! Well that's where exactly I am right now... and will just be FRIENDZONE with him.... forever. But I bet you couldn't let me go and leave your life coz you will and you will be needing me.... ha ha ha ha


Again do not ASSUME AND EXPECT until there's clarity, control the emotion, at but continue to LOVE.


As of this writing the author is atleast smiling back again.. Thanks to all the friends who's been with her in this journey, who listened, who accepted her craziness and helped her to move on. LOVE YOU bezzie Quel, Len, Kure, Adah & Eve. 




itsmeJackie c",)